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LoveIsIllness09
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Name: Chase
Birthday: 8/8/1981
Gender: Male
Interests: Music is my only love. I enjoy bands such as Thursday, From Autumn to Ashes, Fear Before the March of the Flames, Death Cab for Cutie, The Dresden Dolls, Dashboard Confessionals, handhoney ::newly found bliss::, Jimmy Eat World, Alkaline Trio, Damien Rice, The Used, My Chemical Romance, Taking Back Sunday, Early November, Story of the Year, Fall Out Boy, Senses Fail, The Shins, Augustana, The Postal Service, Days In December, The Decemberists, Of Montreal,Bright Eyes... hm there is just so many! I love my Kitty, Rachel, Sadie, Waldo, and Jess! They are my world. I love to play piano, read, and sing!
Expertise: Music... ofcourse!
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message me
AIM:  Solace De Amour
Member Since:
6/2/2005
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| One Last Entry...
I feel the need to close this book, to almost lock all the ghosts of my past deep inside my heart. I recently have overcome two deadly diseases, silently being harmed by them for the past two years. Depression being one of the worst of the two. Being here, in such a place of prejudice and discrimanation, I felt like I was choking. Boo Hoo, I know. But it was painful, coming home every day in tears from what people thought. Eventually my self-esteem just dwindled to nothing. If you read my past entries during these dates you can see the depression easily. This eventually lead to my development of Anorexia Nervosa. Seeing everything in my life being chosen for me, especially my sexuality, made me have no control. I needed something to call my own; to almost numb all the pain. So I found starvation the answer. It's not glamorous, or lovely... it's deadly. I spent nights on the bathroom floor shivering with sweat dripping down from withdrawls from food. All this did was make me even more depressed, making me hate everything about my life... my friends, my family, the school, humanity, and most of all my body. I spent months without everything except water and salads until my weight fell to 98 pounds... =( I knew I had to stop, so I got help... My parents were wonderful... and especially my friends, without even knowing they helped. They allowed me to know that they, life, was more important than food. I recovered barely, with still some bits of starvation. And now one of my friends is diagnosed with an eating disorder. I cry everytime I think of her becoming what I was. She feels so unnattractive, so fat... but all she is, is blind. She is beautiful! If anything happened to her, I would just die. This whole ordeal is eating me up... I had to write it down..and since no one else uses these anymore, I knew I had to use it. I hope someone finds it. I love her... "Come and lay your head, on this big brass bed... and we'll be alrIght as long as you stay with me..." | | |
| "Monday June 27
Sunday, we went to visit family south of Houston. I am not real good with names so I can't remember who they were lol. One lady really impressed me. Her husband had caught cancer and she is standing by him till the end. With their determination, faith, and most of all love I know they will make it through. If Jeff ever caught cancer, I would stay by him forever trying with all my strength to nurse him back to health. I hope that will never happen to my love... "
I wonder if anyone remembers this entry? I have news, the little old lady's husband died today. My love died awhile back too... where is the irony in that? =( This Christmas is one of the most depressing. "Glitter and be Gay"
Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ariana came down and I took her out to dinner. It was a lot of fun, I hadn't cuddled with anyone in a long time. The winter weather was so relaxing.
I love you ARI!
~Chase~ | | |
| ::sigh:: So very much is on my mind ... so many things to do, so much stress. There's the application for ASFA, Finals coming up in the following week, and three projects of no delight. I have no time to smile these days, except for with friends. This would be so much harder without them.
Friday I went to Sadie's, it was a random joy as usual. We had Chinese food and saw Yi there. I love Yi so much! She is so very gifted. I think I ate way to much that night because it made my tummy hurt aftwerwards. ::giggles:: Later we played Chinese Checkers... hm now I realize how amazing it was that we ate Chinese food and played Chinese Checkers. >.< Very soon afterwards we made a documentary of the oddest kind. I am sure anyone would of loved it. Katie had my babies. ^^
Love,
~Chase~
P.S.
Kermit my computer won't ever let me comment you... =( | | |
| Well more days pass and each moment drags...
In case anyone is wondering the photo with the coon skin hat is to denounce the use of killing animals for clothing (fake animal skin) PETA throws blood on anyone with animal fur on, but I thought this would be a kinder way of sending the message. Christmas is drawing nearer and I hope everyone is having a happy holiday.
Today was like every other day. At lunch Karleigh and I went up to the library, compliments of katie for telling us about it ^^. We tried to find books for our Social Studies reports but failed miserably. After school we had choir practice till 4. I thought everyone sounded really wonderful together. Mrs. Gavin is an excellent teacher.
"To gay for you - To hetro for me." | | |
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